There was this beautiful woman (hint. it's me). She had to hand out all these forms to her kids' teachers to fill out for the developmental pediatrician. Where these filled out forms supposed to be confidential? Who knows. Would you be able to hold that kind of goldmine and NOT look at it??? Anyway, THIS woman read the filled out forms and was so sad to find that one of her child's teachers felt he was vindictive and manipulative.
Fast forward this lovely fairy tale six months or so. The woman was running five or so minutes late for getting her children deliverd to school. She THOUGHT she needed to rush. That's when something beautiful happend. A car (I'm not vindictive enough to give make, model and license plates here) got on the beautiful and kind woman's (again, it's me) bumper. The beautiful, kind and witty (you get the drift. it's me!) woman got behind a garbage truck on garbage day. When she glanced in her rear view mirror, what did she see? The wicked witch who felt her perfectly imperfect child was manipulative and vindictive. This gave the beautiful, kind, witty and charming woman the calm she needed to realize she wasn't running THAT late.
In another stroke of good fortune this fine morning, the beautiful, kind, witty, charming and goddess like woman got stuck behind not one but TWO gravel trucks traveling significantly below the speed limit. When glancing in her rearview mirror she noticed what looked like beams of fire imminating from the evil witches broom. Nope. She was just flashing her headlights.
With a sigh of content, the beautiful, kind, witty, charming, goddess like and now serene woman drops her eldest off with a smile seeing the wicked witch see her and know that it was her she was stuck behind.
Now, I leave you with this smile. It's the small things that make this girl feel good.
In all seriousness, I totally think this event helped me move on. Weird, right?
Thursday, August 29, 2013
Thursday, August 8, 2013
Letter to the teacher---is it THAT time already or yet?!?
I know y'all will understand this in a way others cannot. How is it already time to write that back to school letter that gives up your kiddos most challenging behaviors? I'm ready for school to start. J is ready for school to start. We NEED school to start, but man, my ANXIETY is RaMpAnT! Here's the letter revised for this year to send out to J's teachers.
Hello,
I am struggling to
know exactly what to share with you all and what to keep private and see how
the year starts off for J. To be honest, I don’t want to color your vision of
Joseph before you get a chance to know him. In all fairness, however, I want
for you, his teachers, principals, nurse, librarians, aides and the rest of the
devoted staff at GE to know his possible challenges. J is an extremely
bright, kind, loving, wonderful little boy who happens to have Asperger’s
Syndrome.
He comes with a
unique set of challenges-as do all children- not just those on the spectrum.
One of J’s greatest challenges is knowing how others are feeling-especially
in relation to himself. If you are frustrated with his behavior and choices
(which you will surely be- he is an eight year old boy, after all) you have to
verbalize this. He cannot pick up on the social cues that one gives. It’s not
that he doesn’t care; he cares greatly and wants to please. It’s that, often,
he does not know how to unless he is given specific instructions. He has to be
told what you want and need him to do.
Another area of
challenge for J is eye contact. It’s almost painful for him. He taught
himself to look at people in the general area, but cannot maintain even that
for more than a moment or two. He often seems as though he is not listening as
he’s looking around the room and fidgeting; however, more often than not, he
is. Often for kids on the spectrum, looking at faces can give them too much
input to sort and file in their brains. This leads me to another challenge for
Joe.
Children on the
spectrum often experience the world in a much more intense way in regards to
their sensory processing than you and I. They receive a barrage of information
that can be SO intense that it is painful. Imagine trying to block out the hum
of lights and electricity, birds chirping on the playground, talking in a room
four doors down, the smells that come along with school and so on and so on all
while trying to maintain calm and order within so that you can do the one thing
you love most in life – learn. It’s physically and emotionally exhausting. Add
to that a sense of anxiety that never quite goes away. This can lead to stimms
(for J this can be squawking, flapping, rocking, pinching himself) ticks and
the dreaded meltdown. I am hopeful you won’t experience this issue.
Part in parcil with
the ASD, and Sensory Issues is Auditory Processing Disorder. Here is a prime example of this in
J:
One
Morning. J to me, “Mama, why
are you dressed so early?” Me to
J, “Because we are out of groceries and we’re going to go get some
breakfast.” J, “ok.” Five minutes later, J to me, “When
are you going to fix breakfast?”
Me to J, “What did I tell you a few minutes ago, Buddy?” J, “Oh…”
This shows that he
didn’t process the information given until I asked him to recall. This is not
always the case, but sometimes.
We expect J to
behave. We expect for him to be challenged. We, at home, treat meltdowns in a
much different way than a tantrum. Tantrums are short and easily diffused.
Meltdowns are entirely different. They occur, for J, when all coping
mechanisms have failed him. Please do NOT try to talk him out of a meltdown.
This makes things worse for him because he wants to please you and he is in a
moment of not being able to. Also, it’s more sensory input at a time when he
cannot take it and use it. Usually, a “cool down” spot and some time to get
himself together are all that is needed. Later, when the meltdown has passed
and he is under control and is able to communicate, talking can help. Although,
it can bring his anxiety back to a boil…
J’s previous
teachers(insert names) are an excellent source of knowledge
on how to help J succeed as is (insert LSSP's name). I hope that this note hasn’t scared you to death. Joseph is
a wonderful child and truly wants to learn. He seeks knowledge constantly. He
is enthusiastic, warm, sensitive, funny, silly and just plain AWESOME. My goal
for this year, as a helicopter mama, is to hover just out of sight...keep my
radar up but give the boy some room to stretch his own, wonderful, beautiful,
fabulous puzzle piece wings.
Please, feel free to
contact me anytime. My cell phone number is ###-###-####; I keep it with me at
ALL times. Thank you for taking the time to read this. I feel like writing it
has helped me understand Joe in a way that only putting things down in words
can do.
Sincerely,
Kristi
Some books I’ve
found helpful to understanding Joe are:
(On being 2E-Gifted
and having learning differences) Different Minds: Gifted Children with AD/HD,
Asperger Syndrome and Other Learning Disabilities by Deirdre Lovecky 1001 Great
Ideas for Teaching and Raising Children with Autism or Asperger’s by Ellen
Nothbohm and Veronica Zysk Autism Spectrum Disorders in the Mainstream
Classroom: How to Reach and Teach Students with ASDs by Barbara Boroson
I have these books
in my personal collection and would be happy to loan them out.
Thanks Again, Kristi
Helpful links about
ASD, Aspergers and Twice Exceptional kids:
http://www.uniquelygifted.org/
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